2 posts tagged “football”
I hate football.
Yes, it's my favorite sport. Yes, I'm the commissioner of my fantasy league (Hotrod once told me: "don't ever let anyone tell you you're not a nerd"). Yes, I annoy everyone around me at the end of August by obsessively slapping my hands, rubbing them together and shouting "football season, baby!"
But here's the problem. I don't actually enjoy watching football games. At least not those involving my favorite team. I do it compulsively, but it's never a "fun" experience. I spend most of the game cursing (in no particular order) our coach, the other team's coach, our quarterback, the other team's quarterback, our defense, the other team's defense, both kickers, the parentage of the opposing team's fans, the sportscasters and the referees. I've been known to scare my neighbors with bursts of semi-coherent profanity.
Take today for instance. The Redskins actually managed to win their season opener, in overtime, on a 40-yard field goal, and I didn't enjoy the game until it was...well, over.
Every year, round about November, I announce to nobody in particular that I'm chucking it all in to follow high-stakes Jai Alai, but every year I find myself back on the couch thinking up creative but empty threats to hurl at referees.
[Edit: I initially tried to post this without giving it a headline, whereupon Vox not only informed my of my error, but suggested several possible titles. My favorite was "Dabysan's Humors."]
The World Cup is stumbling to a close and I'm getting a little misty at thought that after this weekend, I won't have a good excuse to bash soccer for another four years. Sigh. We'll, its been a good run, and I figure now's a good time to get in my last digs before the soccer poets go into hibernation again.
Here's the thing, because I like a) sports b) spectacles and c) national competitions, I end up getting sucked into these poxy soccer matches despite my avowed dislike for the game. So when I'm sitting on my couch, watching the teams not score, I have plenty of time to think up new reasons why I don't like what I'm watching.
My latest gripe -- lead changes. More specifically the lack thereof. In the three major American sports (yes, them again), the number of lead changes in a given game is usually a pretty good barometer of how good that game is. In football, for instance, it's certainly possible to have a tough, closely contested game in which the lead never changes, or a crappy one in which it changes a bunch, but those would be exceptions to the rule. Typically, when the lead changes repeatedly it's a sign that two evenly matched teams are standing toe-to-toe trading blows, but neither can secure a definititve advantage, which makes for awesome viewing (unless it involves the Redskins, in which case I'd rather just see them win 42-0 every week).
Which brings us to soccer. I did a little research today. So far in the World Cup round of 16, in which the Best Teams in the World (TM) vie for the most coveted trophy in team sports, 14 games have been played so far. By my rough count, those 14 games have yielded two lead changes.
Two.
(2).
Deux.
In 14 games.
In both cases (Mexico v. Argentina and France v. Spain) the lead changes occured early in the first half. On the bright side, I finally know why soccer fans dig 0-0 ties so much. Because after one team scores, its pretty much over. Basically if it's halftime and your soccer team is down by one (1) goal it is the functional equivalent of going into the ninth inning of a baseball game with your team down six runs and facing an ace closer. All I'm saying is you may want to leave now and beat traffic. It all goes back to the lack of balance I mentioned earlier. When scoring is at such a premium, and defense is so heavily advantaged, a goal doesn't so much build excitement as it does let the air out of the stadium. Fans can hope, but they know in their heart it's over (though their team's death throes may last another hour).
Oh, and one more thing...go Italy. God I'm a sucker.
