6 posts tagged “football”
I really need to quit football. My favorite team since childhood, the Washington Redskins is irretrievably terrible and getting worse, and my fantasy football team -- long a happy outlet in the long painful death march of the Redskins' season -- has fallen victim to abysmal misfortune. There is now literally nothing I enjoy about turning on my "favorite" sport on television anymore.
Here's where I need your help. I need a new sport. I've tried to switch football allegiances, and it just won't take.
I'm open to anything, with the caveat that I intend to back a winner this time around, no matter what.
The current leader in the clubhouse is hockey, as my local Washington Capitals seem to be a good team with a bright future and scads of young talent. The only downside is -- it's hockey.
Suggestions are welcome.
I'll be honest, I'm not super-optimistic about my beloved Redskins' prospects this year. Last year they sucked on offense, so naturally, they responded by spending their top draft pick and virtually all of their free agent money improving the already-solid defense [suppresses rage]. But even though it's preseason, I'd like to give them a hearty golf clap for dispatching the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers last night. It's a worthy effort, if only in that it disappointed a bunch of out-of-place yinzers.
It doesn't mean the Redskins will be good (they won't), but it bodes well for a massive drop off for the Steelers, which will be fun to watch.
Lord knows, sports have caused me a lot of pain in my life, but sometimes you encounter a moment so transcendent, it makes it all worth it. Such a moment came today. Congratulations Phoenix, you earned it.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, loses a championship game like the Philadelphia Eagles. Their misery makes me so, so very happy.
My relationship with pro sports has been rocky. Much of it is based on spite. When my favorite team, isn't winning (read: most of the time) I spend a lot of time honing and cataloging my various grudges against other teams and their fans. Watching the playoffs for me is usually a process of deciding what teams and fans I dislike the most and rooting against them.
I find a lot of reasons to hate fans: too rich (San Francisco 49ers), too poor (Oakland Raiders), too thuggish (Philadelphia Eagles), not thuggish enough (Seattle Seahawks), you get the idea. All of these grudges are woven into a complicated but clearly defined skein of dislike. I know, for instance, that when the Seahawks are playing the 49ers, I'm pulling for the Seahawks, despite disliking both teams. I also know that if the Eagles are playing a gang of genocidal sex offenders (how could you tell them apart) I'm going to have a tough decison on my hands.
One way a fan base can make itself particularly loathsome is by having no geographic relation to the team it allegedly supports. The Dallas Cowboys are famous for this. They have fans who've never even flown through Texas. Vexing. Also guilty of having a lot of geographically unrelated fans are the Pittsburgh Steelers. It should be noted that both of those teams have won a disproportionate number of championships, and that most of these fans are shameless, gutless frontrunners.
I usually don't have much patience for someone who supports a team from someplace other than where they were born or where they currently live, but in recent years, I've met someone who has changed my hidebound thinking. He was born in Ohio, but he's proven again and again that he's a true and honest fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Despite being born elsewhere, he has a emotional tie to the city of Pittsburgh that's palpable. Sure, you could say that he should probably be a Cincinnati Bengals fan, but he's seen his Stillers through the tough times, and its difficult to begrudge him his satisfaction during the good years.
I'm speaking, of course, of CarrieNation's nephew D. We visited D and his family up in Pittsburgh's North Hills over the holiday and came away with a real appreciation for his passion.
Other Steelers fans from outside of Pittsburgh are douchebags.
I hate football.
Yes, it's my favorite sport. Yes, I'm the commissioner of my fantasy league (Hotrod once told me: "don't ever let anyone tell you you're not a nerd"). Yes, I annoy everyone around me at the end of August by obsessively slapping my hands, rubbing them together and shouting "football season, baby!"
But here's the problem. I don't actually enjoy watching football games. At least not those involving my favorite team. I do it compulsively, but it's never a "fun" experience. I spend most of the game cursing (in no particular order) our coach, the other team's coach, our quarterback, the other team's quarterback, our defense, the other team's defense, both kickers, the parentage of the opposing team's fans, the sportscasters and the referees. I've been known to scare my neighbors with bursts of semi-coherent profanity.
Take today for instance. The Redskins actually managed to win their season opener, in overtime, on a 40-yard field goal, and I didn't enjoy the game until it was...well, over.
Every year, round about November, I announce to nobody in particular that I'm chucking it all in to follow high-stakes Jai Alai, but every year I find myself back on the couch thinking up creative but empty threats to hurl at referees.
[Edit: I initially tried to post this without giving it a headline, whereupon Vox not only informed my of my error, but suggested several possible titles. My favorite was "Dabysan's Humors."]
The World Cup is stumbling to a close and I'm getting a little misty at thought that after this weekend, I won't have a good excuse to bash soccer for another four years. Sigh. We'll, its been a good run, and I figure now's a good time to get in my last digs before the soccer poets go into hibernation again.
Here's the thing, because I like a) sports b) spectacles and c) national competitions, I end up getting sucked into these poxy soccer matches despite my avowed dislike for the game. So when I'm sitting on my couch, watching the teams not score, I have plenty of time to think up new reasons why I don't like what I'm watching.
My latest gripe -- lead changes. More specifically the lack thereof. In the three major American sports (yes, them again), the number of lead changes in a given game is usually a pretty good barometer of how good that game is. In football, for instance, it's certainly possible to have a tough, closely contested game in which the lead never changes, or a crappy one in which it changes a bunch, but those would be exceptions to the rule. Typically, when the lead changes repeatedly it's a sign that two evenly matched teams are standing toe-to-toe trading blows, but neither can secure a definititve advantage, which makes for awesome viewing (unless it involves the Redskins, in which case I'd rather just see them win 42-0 every week).
Which brings us to soccer. I did a little research today. So far in the World Cup round of 16, in which the Best Teams in the World (TM) vie for the most coveted trophy in team sports, 14 games have been played so far. By my rough count, those 14 games have yielded two lead changes.
Two.
(2).
Deux.
In 14 games.
In both cases (Mexico v. Argentina and France v. Spain) the lead changes occured early in the first half. On the bright side, I finally know why soccer fans dig 0-0 ties so much. Because after one team scores, its pretty much over. Basically if it's halftime and your soccer team is down by one (1) goal it is the functional equivalent of going into the ninth inning of a baseball game with your team down six runs and facing an ace closer. All I'm saying is you may want to leave now and beat traffic. It all goes back to the lack of balance I mentioned earlier. When scoring is at such a premium, and defense is so heavily advantaged, a goal doesn't so much build excitement as it does let the air out of the stadium. Fans can hope, but they know in their heart it's over (though their team's death throes may last another hour).
Oh, and one more thing...go Italy. God I'm a sucker.
