KttD: The Contenders - Hotrod
With the Eight Annual Karaoke to the Death VIII fast upon us, the editors at Dabysan in Hammersmith Palais thought it would be a good time take a closer look at some of the main competitors: their strengths, weaknesses and potential obstacles to taking home Lord Ramsey's Cup.
"The Old Warhorse" - Hotrod
To think of Karaoke to the Death is to think of Hotrod. True, the competition is an equal partnership between he and this chronicle's humble editor, but Hotrod is the face -- and the voice -- of bad karaoke's most hallowed contest. A list of Hotrod's accomplishments in the sport is daunting: first champion, first two-time champion, logo designer, chief executive and co-chair of the rules, competition, substance abuse, trophy, invitation and venue committees. Hotrod is the First Man of KttD.
What makes Hotrod great? Preparation, effort and a steely will to win. Hotrod's reedy, tremulous voice is certainly bad, but not the worst KttD patrons are likely to hear. His wooden stage presence, sweaty delivery and sickly pallor paint an ugly picture, but is not as morbidly off-putting as say Cap'n Crunch or Soo Doh Nim. But Hotrod has always made up for whatever deficiencies he may possess by simply outworking everyone else. Nobody watches more game tape, nobody reviews and discards more possible songs, nobody practices as hard and nobody prepares themselves with as much vigor (think Clubber Lang in Rocky III). It's pretty much a given that when KttD rolls around, Hotrod will be there, ready to stand and deliver. Competitors who aren't ready to compete may as well not show up at all.
But last year, for the first time, holes began to appear in Hotrod's aura of invincibility. Pressed to sing early in the competition and denied a crucial second song by the worst Karaoke DJ in Christendom, Hotrod came out flatfooted, turning in a disturbingly tuneful rendition of Journey's "Open Arms" that failed to garner even a single first-place vote from a sympathetic home crowd. It was a stunning fall from grace for the once great champion. In one fell swoop, Hotrod's real limitations as a bad karaoketeer were laid bare. Lacking a legendarily bad voice, or a crushingly awful stage persona, Hotrod needs environmental factors -- song choice, alcohol consumption, crowd hostility -- to come together to form a perfect storm of badness. Nobody is better at orchestrating that perfect storm, but like his co-founder Dabysan, the occasionally tuneful Hotrod is in serious danger of being passed by a new breed of bad karaoketeers who can't help but turn in a nightmarish song, whenever they take the stage.
Strengths: There's a reason why Hotrod is the only two-time champion in KttD history. He's got all the tools, and more importantly, all the desire, to win every time he gets on stage. Nobody puts their bad voice and nervous stage presence together with really terrible songs better than Hotrod. And word from Hotrod's inner circle is that he is eager to avenge last year's embarrassingly decent performance with something for the ages. Hotrod's larger-than-life presence looms large over KttD, and under the right circumstances he could easily become the first three-time champion on February 17th.
Weaknesses: It almost seems unfair to call them weaknesses. Hotrod is still as bad as he's always been, and that badness was enough to earn him two World Championships of bad karaoke. It's not that Hotrod has developed weaknesses, so much as it is that the new wave of KttD competitor is like nothing the bad singing world has ever before witnessed. Facing a murderer's row of tone-deaf musical butchers, Hotrod needs to work twice as hard every year, and at some point, one has to question whether any amount of work will be enough. The KttDing world will have to wait and see what Hotrod has up his sleeves this year.
What makes Hotrod great? Preparation, effort and a steely will to win. Hotrod's reedy, tremulous voice is certainly bad, but not the worst KttD patrons are likely to hear. His wooden stage presence, sweaty delivery and sickly pallor paint an ugly picture, but is not as morbidly off-putting as say Cap'n Crunch or Soo Doh Nim. But Hotrod has always made up for whatever deficiencies he may possess by simply outworking everyone else. Nobody watches more game tape, nobody reviews and discards more possible songs, nobody practices as hard and nobody prepares themselves with as much vigor (think Clubber Lang in Rocky III). It's pretty much a given that when KttD rolls around, Hotrod will be there, ready to stand and deliver. Competitors who aren't ready to compete may as well not show up at all.
Strengths: There's a reason why Hotrod is the only two-time champion in KttD history. He's got all the tools, and more importantly, all the desire, to win every time he gets on stage. Nobody puts their bad voice and nervous stage presence together with really terrible songs better than Hotrod. And word from Hotrod's inner circle is that he is eager to avenge last year's embarrassingly decent performance with something for the ages. Hotrod's larger-than-life presence looms large over KttD, and under the right circumstances he could easily become the first three-time champion on February 17th.
Weaknesses: It almost seems unfair to call them weaknesses. Hotrod is still as bad as he's always been, and that badness was enough to earn him two World Championships of bad karaoke. It's not that Hotrod has developed weaknesses, so much as it is that the new wave of KttD competitor is like nothing the bad singing world has ever before witnessed. Facing a murderer's row of tone-deaf musical butchers, Hotrod needs to work twice as hard every year, and at some point, one has to question whether any amount of work will be enough. The KttDing world will have to wait and see what Hotrod has up his sleeves this year.
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